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| I am tired of this shit. I always get screwed over. It is like a thing that always follows me where ever i go. I finally find this girl that iw as starting to like. we were dating for a few a weeks.. It was going great.. i thought things were gonna change.. and what happens, everything goes wrong. i dont know why the hell it happened but it did. We just kind of back away from each otther and then she ends it. I AM FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT. i give up on relationships. I really do. i dont give a damn anymore. fuck relationships and fuck all that shit... well i am done here...no one will read this but it feels good to write it down.. peace
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| so i decided to get on here today, cause i know that no one reads these anymore. Thought it would be nice to write when i knew that no one would see this. Well its the month of june. The month that i have learned to hate and dread. It is the month of my birthday, but the month that my friend committed suicide last year. This late year has been really hard on me with the loss of Matt. I feel that i could of dont something. I feel like i could of helped him. I could of talked to him once and made sure everything was okay. I remember the last time i saw him like it was yesterday. and that will forever play in my head. You know that i found out his death by a text message. The absolute worst way to find out a death, a text message. I still cant believe that he is gone. I still have his number in my phone. I really dont want to delete it. I really want to call it. But i really dont want to do that. I missed his funeral because no one told where it was. I have never had the time to say goodbye to him. I have never have the closure that other people got. His grave is 2 hours away and i lost his directions on my computer. I had them saved for months and lost them. I have already started to feel sad and its not even close to when he died. Or i dont ever know when he died. he was missing for 10 days before they found his body on the 20 of june. so he could of died anytime from the 10 -20th of june. and then on the 27 is my bday. My bday will be forever ruined by the mistakes i have made with matt. i wish everyday that i could take back things i did, or do things that i didnt do. But i guess that i cant. A quote always turns up when i think about this, " everything happens for a reason" and it sucks ass to know that this quote is true. Now i am majoring in psychology and hoping to save one life in memory of matt. people around the time of death turn to god, how can u turn to god when people god does everything for a reason... so why did god send matt to hell according to the bible. why does god have to be that mean to get a point across. to sacrifice a life to damnation? can anyone tell me that reason. According to the bible, matt is burning in hell for enternity. i dont even kow what to write anymore. Sometimes i feel that there is no point in writing cause no one will see this, but then i want to write cause no one is seeing this and makes me want to write more. but i guess i just miss matt and wish he was still alive. his parents are going to have to live with the loss of their son for the rest of thier life, and so will i.. | | |
| well i got a girlfriend now..
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| AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!! SUMMER IS NOW OVER!!!! BUT IM A SENIOR!!! CLASS OF 2006 IS THE BEST EVER!
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| Well i havnt update on here in a while...let see..school is starting in
less then a month! Yeah Senior Year! Well last night i went to the
closing session thingy for the Ulster Project. I miss all the people
from last year! i wanna go back and see them again. Maybe next year or
sometime i will go back! Well i guess i'll be going..
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